Whatever new comes - let me tell you.

I start teaching tomorrow.

Not student teaching, not practicum teaching, not the-professor-is-suddenly-absent-so-can-you-kind-of-lead-discussion teaching. Real-deal teaching. One class of Spanish 1 and two classes of U.S. History. Somewhere around eighty high school students in and out of my classes every day. That kind of teaching.

And if we're being honest, if you were to ask me as so many sweet friends have - I'm only kind of ready. I have planned the best I can for the eventualities I can predict, but I know that this will be first-year teaching nonetheless and that there are eventualities it will fall to me to handle that I know nothing about (yet). And I know these things are true, so of course I don't feel ready.

But the problem with evaluating whether I'm ready is that if you gave me another month and answered all 45,000 of my questions - I can tell you with complete confidence that I would still have the same level of confidence in my own abilities as I do right now. Mayyyyybe slightly higher, but pretty close to just the same. You see, my abilities will always feel to me like just short of enough, even when I've stretched them too thin.

Which is why as long as I'm relying on myself alone, I'll never feel ready.

At church last Sunday, the pastor reiterated a point we don't hear often enough - that our job is to point people to our Rescuer, not to save them ourselves. Our desire to show Jesus to others is motivated by God's grace for us and for them - not our ability or our works.

And the same is true for us.

We are fixed on this one thing
To know your goodness
And see your glory
We’re transformed by this one thing
To know your presence
And see your beauty
— "Spirit Move" by Bethel Music

Our job is not to save ourselves. It's not to make ourselves perfect on our own efforts. Our job is actually a whole lot easier than that. Our job is to fix our whole attention on God and who He is. We can stop trying to put in the work to change ourselves - knowing Him will work a deeper transformation in us than we could ever hope for on our own.

We can stop trying to hold everything at once - holding our attention on the God of the universe will remind us how capable and powerful He is to face whatever overwhelms us. And we can certainly stop trying to hold ourselves to an impossible standard of perfection, readiness, and expectation - because once we get to know the love of God, everything in our lives will flow from that source, covering both sin and lack of experience or knowledge in grace, strength, and peace.

So I start teaching tomorrow.

Real-deal teaching.

And I may not know what to do in every situation or how best to manage my own classroom. I probably (definitely) won't remember every Spanish conjugation or every important date in the Cold War. 

But I know what my job is.

I know Who my attention is fixed on.

And I'm ready.

Whatever new comes next in your life, I promise you -

He's got you. You're ready too.

Allie KayComment