Let me tell you about 2018.

For the past four years, sometime in the last week of December, I’ve made a list of ten songs that spoke to and shaped my year. Usually, I start with my Spotify Top Songs playlist, and figure out which songs I’ve listened to the most and why that was. But 2018 was a little bit of a different year for me. Losing a loved one is a difficult, deep low, and getting engaged is a wonderful, steep high. With so much going on, I got a little quieter this year. For 2019, though, I want more of my focus to be on words - consuming them, putting them down on paper, sharing them in this space, and creating space in my world to hear more from my people. So I thought for 2018’s end-of-year post, it was fitting that I share with you 10 songs whose lyrics, more than any others, gave me the words for my year that I didn’t have myself.

When I’m With You - Ben Rector

I am wide-eyed
With a penchant for running
But how many times does it take
’Til I find that I’m lost when I’m alone
And that’s not where I belong
‘Cause baby, you weren’t made to carry such a load
Lay it down and we can watch it go
Down the river of grace, the river of grace
Funny how my whole world could change
If you’re not here I’m not the same
We’re travelers here, only passing through
And every breath we breathe is coming back to You
We’re strangers here, I know it’s true
That death is just a door that leads us home to You
Set your promise to play on repeat in my head
When you meet my anxiety, put it to death
Ever running to what I can’t see
Fighting out of all my unbelief
Father, even then my song will be
I know You will always carry me
It’s inevitable
We’re going home
If we make it or we don’t, we won’t be alone
When I see your light shine, I know I’m home
There’s no shadow You won’t light up
Mountain You won’t climb up
Coming after me
There’s no wall You won’t kick down
Lie You won’t tear down
Coming after me
In a world were things come and go
The only thing I can’t afford to lose is you
No matter who I might become or what I’ve been before
I will always be yours
Holy ties bind me through and through
My heart’s settled down, made its life with you
All my days, I will love you
And if I had to go back to the very start
I’d still give you every part of my restless heart
Breathe in and be still
Breathe out and know that I am God
Breathe in My presence
Breathe out the fear you’re not enough
It’s time to settle in your skin

A few snapshots from winter break - spending Christmas with my fiance (!!!) for the first time, taking fun pictures with my sweet sister Ana, and with my brother, holding the memory bears our grandmother had made for us for Christmas out of our Grandfather’s clothes.

GraduateAllie KayComment