Let me tell you about the right now.
Tonight at Phi Lamb chapter, we talked all about making decisions. I’m a senior in college. These days, it feels like the rest of the world sort of assumes those two things are going together in my head. But here’s the low down: if grad school works out financially, I’ll do that. If I get a job offer teaching in the Nashville area, I’ll do that. And if neither of those things happen, well, I’ve been a nanny before, and maybe that’ll be my shot at writing for a living. The long and short of it is: there are several options on the table, and none of them make me nervous when I think of walking into them in the future.
What does make me nervous is the right now.
There’s not a lot of unknowns about the future, in all honesty: it’s all about landmarks. I’ve got good career options. I will graduate from Vanderbilt University in May of 2017. Starting in January, I’ll be a student teacher. I’ll march my last game after Thanksgiving. I’m taking my licensure exams in November.
What’s unknown is the day-to-day debris of life, the getting from one of these markers to the next, the in-between. How to get all the work done, how to make the little decisions to keep myself moving forward. And what to do when circumstances come out of left field, hit me in the head, and refuse to be ignored.
I came home Saturday night to find out from my dear, thrilled-to-pieces roommate that Bob Goff – one of our favorite humans/author of Love Does – was speaking at a church in Nashville the next morning, so we loaded up at 8:20am and headed to Cross Point Church. Not only did we get to meet Bob before the service and confirm that he is, indeed, an absolutely incredible person, but his message just hit me right where I’ve been at and settled deep in my heart, my lungs, my soul. He talked about a lot of things, but here is the most important thing:
Keep your eyes on Jesus, and you will do everything right.
That’s a tough one for me to wrap my perfectionist, performance-driven, people-pleasing mind around. There has always been a difference for me between getting things done and doing things right. Sometimes that’s a good thing, because quality will get you places. But sometimes, I don’t even know what right is or how to get myself there. Right becomes my responsibility, and I spend my life trying to get myself there. I spend my life trying to make it easy. Keep your eyes on Jesus. It’s simple, but it’s not easy.
There’s a lot of unknown in the right now, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Not every decision needs me to think five or six steps ahead of myself. Not every outcome has to be known. So this week, I’m remembering that it’s okay to see where something goes until it runs out of room, or doesn’t. It’s okay to be where you are and feel what you feel, without fear or focus on the future. It’s okay to not know. Because if I’m keeping my eyes on Jesus, He tells me I’m doing it right.
And bonus, so does Bob.
This month, I’m challenging myself to participate in 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes – composing a post in five minutes flat based on the one-word prompts the lovely Christina at Creative & Free has designed. While I won’t be posting every day, I hope this will motivate me to share small snapshots of my walk and wanderings more often in this space. To see all of my posts from this series, click here.